This Is What It Is

“Be careful ya Cuni. Remember you have us, so you should take a really good care of yourself.” (You on Monday, 14 March 2011. 06:01:17 PM)

If only I could pick the time, I would love to pick those times. The time when I met you, the time when we got laugh, the time when we faced the life together. They were the greatest 4 years though I even forgot how the details. I felt blessed for I was there with you to fight against your life. It was nice when we spent the whole night at the internet café when you talked about your past. The way you told me how bitter it was, it was getting on my nerves and strengthening me all at once. I wanted to hurt them who hurt you, I wanted to fade your pains away. I wanted, but apparently I only could to be there to know how it felt. And you know what? It was love, it wasn’t lust.

Do you remember the time when you told me that I have to tell you everything I need? I still remember how tasty that ice cream, it has been my favorite till now. Everytime its sweetness melts in my mouth, I remember how sweet my life only for I know you. I worshiped myself when you told me that you never want to get married, for that was what I wanted to hear from you. And yes, until this day it has been so me too. I was happy because you explained about how nonsense the marriage for you. It is not because I don’t want you to live happily with someone you love, it is because I know that we have weird thing in common. They were the greatest 4 years. I blame myself for I wasn’t on your graduation day. I felt embarrassed for that was something I couldn’t reach but I was happy too for more or less, I was with you before that step. It’s more worth a penny to be there.

“The distance between us makes it so hard to stay. But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe. It hurts but it may be the only way.” I hate this Maroon 5 though I can’t get enough to listen to it over and over again. I remember how you sang this one. Yea, you are there now, living your life to reach what you’ve dreamed for. I’m happy for it but to be honest, I was happier when I could see you often. Nothing lasts forever, right? I can’t forever see you, I can’t forever face the life with you so this is me against my life alone. But don't worry, I'll be there to accompany you everytime you need someone else to face your life.

I don’t even know when I will die. But when the time is coming, I will be there to tell Him how great is His self for He created you. The way you’ve called my name, that has even been my personal blessing. Well yes, I got it wrong. It is not "it was love, it wasn't lust" anymore but it is "it has been love, it hasn't been lust".

Ah poor me, I don’t even have our picture.