Kediri

Ada yang aneh dengan kota ini. Bukan kota besar, bukan kota yang dipenuhi oleh seabrek tempat menyenangkan – tapi memberikan banyak hal. Sejumlah pemberian yang pada akhirnya dapat aku simpulkan menjadi satu kalimat – masalah panjang atau pendek biar itu menjadi persepsi masing-masing. Toh, semua berhak punya ukuran sendiri-sendiri sesuai hemat. Jadi, tepat tiga tahun tiga bulan yang lalu dengan berbagai alasan mendetail yang tak lagi aku ingat – atau jangan-jangan aku sama sekali tak punya alasan detail – aku memutuskan untuk menghidupi...

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Saturday, a Minute after I Listened to May 16

I look into their eyes then find something queer. The queerness I’ve never had, the queerness I’ve never felt. I don’t understand about it. But as I rush to reach what they preach as something worth having, it is crystal clear that it doesn’t suit me at all. It is like a manifestation of privilege. Something brings them into a safe place. They applause it, they are devoted to it. But to me, it means a prick smile that skews me inside. Friday night I was in a fight, the same old vexing argument that used to stab my back. Now I’m wounded, having a pain that sent me sprawling. But hey – the antidote – as the memories come...

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Hey, the Antidote!

It is relieving to have something different. I enjoy every time people narrow their eyes at me. It oddly brings me glittery feeling every time I put some furrows on their temples. I enjoy every difference. Someone told me being normal ain’t that bad, but I guess I’m really afraid of being normal. It often exiles me from the others, brings me unto somewhere means people’s fear – a fear called as solitude. So I start it again. I promptly refuse every shitty shit. It is ridiculous for frankly saying, I have a feeling it already flies me unto the same rage, unto the same mourning. Maybe it should be the loud rustling...

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